Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in sunnyday123's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, January 12th, 2010
2:19 am	Moved from here...last entry My last real entry here was in October of 2009. I decided to move from here for a variety of reasons. For one, this was started on a whim one day forever ago as a joke and I started it for real one day and it blossomed into what it was becoming. But this journal was not initially created in the love and care that it should have been. Also, because of how it was created it was never truly anonymous enough and this was my purpose. If anyone ever reads this journal and is interested in following any of my more recent migraine content, email me on here (as I still get emails from this site sent) and I will contact you with how to find me after we share a few brief exchanges. Last entry from sunnyday123 (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
3:33 pm	Horrible migraine in the middle of the night, night before last from too much feta??? I woke up a ouple hours after falling asleep the night before last. I probably went to bed around midnight that night and woke up around 1:45 with a horrendous migraine. This never happens. I normally wake up knowing I will have one or getting one, but not with one like this. The intensity of the pain was incredible. This migraine was not so neurological like most of mine seem to be but mostly just painful. The pain was so bad I thought about taking my emergency Percocet or Vicoden, but didn't. I woke up several times in the night and had major issues falling asleep because of the pain. Aleve did nothing but Advil did help with some of the pain since that does have pain-blocking capabilities. The other odd thing was I woke up drenched in a pool of sweat and my heart was beating very, very fast -like crazy and was hard to calm down. But I had no bad dreams. My heart rate seemed to affect my migraine in a bad way. The only unique thing I had done before going to bed was that I had eaten a feta cheese pizza. I normally eat mozzarella or cheddar cheese pizzas with no ill effect. So perhaps the tyramine in the feta cheese is a migraine trigger for me or perhaps this store bought pizza had MSG in it. That is a bad trigger for me. I did eat pretty much the whole pizza. Who knows but this situation was unusual... (Comment on this)
Friday, October 9th, 2009
4:39 pm	Why Women Have Sex...book that looks interesting I might read it...reminder to self. I do agree that women have sex for a variety of reasons. I have to ponder this. But I really enjoy sex and always have so my reason has always been because I have wanted sex for pleasure and bonding when I am with my partner. The only other reason in my mind is to make sure I am having sex with my partner on a regular basis to keep him satisfied so he doesn't seek it elsewhere. Migraine pain relief is also a factor I suppose. And to keep positive is another reason. The endorphins from having sex with a partner generally make me feel happier and better about life. I do not get this from masturbation. This is all I can think of personally but I should reflect further on this. I have never used sex in a manipulative way or withheld sex. I have only had men do this to me. Men are not totally simplistic in why they have sex either. I will be waiting for that article but not holding my breath. I think it is almost offensive to men that there is still a modern attitude that men are just horny bastards who want sex all of the time. Yes, men have stronger sex drives and are more likely to act on them but their reasons should be studies as well. I would be curious. http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/28/sex-women-relationships-tanya-gold (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
6:55 pm	IQ means of various jobs I generally am not an IQ Nazi. I do not think they are exact and I do think some tests are better than others. But ultimately they are a guideline. If you score 130 for example, you are above average regardless. Your true intelligence could be higher or lower in my opinion than 130 depending on your skill level at combining your abstract intelligence with your test problem solving ability. But regardless, there is no way you are average in my opinion. Someone with a 100 IQ could not fool the test that much. And vice versa, someone scoring an 80 IQ is surely not really a 120 unless they had no sleep or were ill or something along those rare, drastic lines when taking the test. But I am no expert so perhaps I am wrong but this all seems like common sense to me. I was curious since I am dreadfully bored and unchallenged with what I do for a living how people who do my job typically rank with their IQ compared to my actual IQ. I knew there would be a variation and wondered what it approximately was. I found a few sites while searching that were interesting so I figured I would keep them on here. I do not necessarily trust the job to IQ scores as exacts but it is interesting. http://www.neatorama.com/2007/08/19/iq-distribution-of-various-jobs/ shows easy to read chart of jobs and IQ scores http://www.ssc.wisc.edu/cde/cdewp/98-07.pdf research paper that listed chart and has lots more http://www.geocities.com/rnseitz/Definition_of_IQ.html an interesting site (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
12:34 pm	I am different than my mom Today. "It's a shame you aren't like so and so and don't have the job so and so has." Yeah, that always makes me feel great. My mom says she hates children. She is one person who probably should not have had them. The horrible stuff that comes out of her mouth at times is terribly upsetting. There just is not nice stuff to balance it. She is my mother and I love her but sometimes I hope if I marry someone someday that my future mother-in-law will be kind and loving to make up for what I am missing in life. You get what you get in life and you can't change it regarding family. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 28th, 2009
3:23 am	Me, I am all silk, like a butterfly The Butterfly's Numidian Gown The Butterfly's Numidian Gown With spots of Burnish roasted on Is proof against the Sun Yet prone to shut its spotted Fan And panting on a Clover lean As if it were undone -- -Emily Dickinson The Genesis of the Butterfly The dawn is smiling on the dew that covers The tearful roses; lo, the little lovers That kiss the buds, and all the flutterings In jasmine bloom, and privet, of white wings, That go and come, and fly, and peep and hide, With muffled music, murmured far and wide. Ah, the Spring time, when we think of all the lays That dreamy lovers send to dreamy mays, Of the fond hearts within a billet bound, Of all the soft silk paper that pens wound, The messages of love that mortals write Filled with intoxication of delight, Written in April and before the May time Shredded and flown, playthings for the wind's playtime, We dream that all white butterflies above, Who seek through clouds or waters souls to love, And leave their lady mistress in despair, To flit to flowers, as kinder and more fair, Are but torn love-letters, that through the skies Flutter, and float, and change to butterflies -Victor Hugo (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 19th, 2009
1:47 pm	The difference when a good friend gets married...on friendship I have only been to weddings where I am friendly or friends to a degree with the person, not a situation before where I am friends with the person that I see them almost every weekend and our parents see each other at the holidays now. I feel genuine emotion, excitement, and happiness. It is a different kind of feeling when you have a level of closeness with the bride and groom. (Comment on this)
12:58 pm	I answer to seven first names but only call myself one I was thinking about this the other day. I have my full first name which some people call me. But typically, with a few exceptions, people who do not know me well call me this. Or I feel that people who do not like me also call me that name. It is funny how names develop connotations along the way. I also have my shortened nickname to my given first name which most people call me. That started from my parents when I was young. Then I have my, as I refer to it, little girl nickname that my aunts and uncles called me when I was young and every now and then still call me. I perceive this first name as a very loving name since I spent a lot of overnights at my aunt's house growing up and felt way more loving feelings from her than my own mother. My ex-husband also called me this name sometimes. This is the name I call myself. Then, I have my random cutesy nickname that is an animal name from ex-husband that he called me and the shortened version of it. And I have the random cutesy nickname that rhymes with my name from my rebound relationship ex-boyfriend and the shortened version of it. It is funny how those just happen and they stick. And then you start answering to them. And now if I hear the words ever, I still turn my head. So I have a total of seven "first names" that I will answer to, although three are real. It was just a weird thought that crossed my mind. (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 12th, 2009
2:09 pm	acupuncture I went to new acupuncturist yesterday. (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 29th, 2009
12:28 pm	PMS and writing, thoughts I have noticed I consistently write more in LJ around PMS time. It seems to help relieve the stress of PMS to write my random thoughts of the day down. And I seem to have more of a desire to write journal entries around this time. I also like to read poetry more around this time period. The words and themes are often soothing or inspirational to me. Current Mood: grumpy (Comment on this)
1:46 am	Watching women day in and day out half clothed makes me think they are bisexual but repressed What I have observed working in bridal, a business where you see a lot of half naked women on a daily basis, is that the women who are hot are much more revered and ogled over by everyone in the store, my staff subconsciously and random female customers. The really large ones, unattractive ones or anorexic ones are mostly ignored as far as the sincere ogling goes. Also, when there is a conversation with a hot woman about her cleavage for her wedding day and she is showing her boobs off in the dress popping them in and out and such and asking for advice, everyone wants to talk to her and give her suggestions and stare at her boobs. If a chick is overweight, only her bridal consultant will talk to her. I really think women like women who are hot, curvaceous but in a relatively thin way but not too thin! They pretty much seem to go for the same as men from what I have observed. But I bet almost none of those women would admit they were attracted to the chicks I was thinking of. They are in denial. They just think it was her dress they were checking out. At least I admit things to myself. Going down on a chick is not attractive to me, way too lesbian. Sucking her boobs and she sucking mine and she and I making out is pretty hot. I suspect many of these chicks are the exact same way. I see it every day. People should come to terms with their true nature. We are who we are. Look inside yourself. I love men. Men are what turn me on to no end. I would never post here the volumes of things I think sexually about men. But hell, no one gives a rat's ass if a chick is a little bi. It is a great double-standard. It's like I watch situations occur around me. I see them happen so clearly, watch the body language, watch them play out and watch the people have no clue. Now that mystifies me. I really doubt all women are bi but suspect a lot, probably most are at least a bit. (Comment on this)
12:56 am	Why I think it's so much easier when we are younger to meet someone Aside from all of the typical stuff like the majority of the people are already taken, there are lots of other things I have noticed. I have asked questions of younger people at work about their relationships and I have just paid attention. I think the most obvious thing is you are open to such a high percentage of people to being in relationships with when you are young. You haven't grown into yourself and the other person has not grown into him or herself. So you meet someone decent, hook up, form a bond, don't screw it up and it works out. You have a good amount of time to spend together. It is a relatively casual time in your life so it is perfect. When you get to a certain age like about age thirty, you know yourself like a book and have tons of opinions formed, already have interests, a job that takes up your time, have some baggage from when you have been hurt in the past, have friends who you may value more now that you are in the group of people who are single -so they take up some of your time, etc. etc. Things are way more complicated. Because you and anyone you may want to date have so many opinions, interests, certain developed personality traits, etc. you seem to find yourself compatible with only a low percentage of the single people now since you have to more carefully match yourself up with their traits, opinions, etc. You also have to factor in chemistry which is way difficult in our online world. Perhaps I am totally wrong about it all but this is my perception. But I also know I got burnt out. But that doesn't mean I am wrong, more likely closer to correct. (Comment on this)
12:29 am	Harder to meet someone when you are older In the past six months, I have woken up in the middle of my bed. I have never done this before. I sleep on my side of the bed, the side I have always slept on unless there are reasons I choose to go to the other side like bright sunlight or whatever. It has been disturbing to wake up in the middle. This has been disturbing because this is like my body is getting too used to sleeping alone long-term. I want to ultimately meet someone to love and be happy with and marry someday. My experiences so far have made me either sad or stressed. I hope things change. They will at some point I'm sure. I am just tired out now. (Comment on this)
12:28 am	Reflecting on PMS When I and other women who are similar to myself experience PMS, I wonder if we are in a state of more honesty and awareness with ourselves because we are more emotional or actually in a state of less awareness. I am fully aware of my weaknesses during PMS and always maintain a normal sense of composure in any public setting, good enough to fake anyone out that nothing is wrong. I can be logical about the whole ordeal since it is a basic chemical reaction. But it is one that can greatly affect my brain and my thinking. I feel like I am more apt to make quick, decisive choices during this time period. I think during the rest of the month my personality is such that I will put up with a lot more since my personality and moods are are rather even. So perhaps PMS for me does have some positive effects if it provides a kick in he ass sometimes or makes me ponder things I normally wouldn't. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 28th, 2009
10:11 pm	a Horrible PMS and what it looks like It's killing me tonight. I usually do not feel this emotional from it. Everything is making me break down. And the irony is I am totally aware it is PMS but it still feels horrible and makes me feel horrific and like I am losing my composure which is not common for me. I have teared up many times that I don't have cookies since I am craving them so terribly. I know this is absolutely ridiculous in any logical sense but am in such a terribly emotional, hormonal state that I have cried over many things that don't make sense. I am so very rarely an angry person but tonight I find myself very irritated. I wouldn't mind physically hurting someone. And I would enjoy biting a man and sucking his blood and clawing him all over for sustenance. This follows normal, bad PMS patterns. I feel like my head needs to be torn apart. I drank alcohol which probably just made my PMS worse. Wow, I almost never get PMS like this hence the reason I am documenting it. It is not easy to calm myself. But logically I am aware that my hormones are out of control only temporarily, and furthermore rarely this bad, and this knowledge soothes me. (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 27th, 2009
8:46 pm	The Brain is wider than the sky and I'm nobody I like this, even with the God reference. The Brain—is wider than the Sky— For—put them side by side— The one the other will contain With ease—and You—beside— The Brain is deeper than the sea— For—hold them—Blue to Blue— The one the other will absorb— As Sponges—Buckets—do— The Brain is just the weight of God— For—Heft them—Pound for Pound— And they will differ—if they do— As Syllable from Sound— -Emily Dickinson I'm nobody! Who are you? Are you nobody, too? Then there's a pair of us — don't tell! They'd banish us, you know. How dreary to be somebody! How public, like a frog To tell your name the livelong day To an admiring bog! -Emily Dickinson (Comment on this)
2:08 pm	Good article on depression showing it as problem solving So what could be so useful about depression? Depressed people often think intensely about their problems. These thoughts are called ruminations; they are persistent and depressed people have difficulty thinking about anything else. Numerous studies have also shown that this thinking style is often highly analytical. They dwell on a complex problem, breaking it down into smaller components, which are considered one at a time... Various studies have found that people in depressed mood states are better at solving social dilemmas. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=depressions-evolutionary (Comment on this)
1:14 am	Has my antidepressant helped my GI tract with my onion and lactose intolerance? I have introduced some foods successfully back into my diet, although I do not eat them all of the time. I have had always had horrendous reactions from onions starting in my stomach and heading down my GI tract from a young age exactly like my mother does. I am lactose intolerant and have the normal reactions from dairy. But I have noticed I can now more easily tolerate yogurt, cheese and reasonable servings of ice cream. Also my GI tract does not have the same terrible reaction to onions it used to. I have noticed the gradual change since I started my concoction of drugs I take for migraines. While it could be a chance occurrence I have wondered if this was a positive side effect from the Lexapro I take. I was in a conversation with someone tonight who is possible going on antidepressants for IBS/constipation issues so I decided to look it up. I am not sure but would suspect that the Lexapro has improved my GI tract and digestion with these issues to at least some degree. I think it is ironic that Lexapro may be helping me with my migraines and my GI tract. But I have never been diagnosed with anxiety or depression, the reasons most people go on antidepresssants. It just goes to prove there are many reasons that antidepressants can help you if you truly need them in my opinion. I personally believe they are over-prescribed because many people use them as a crutch to help stick it out through tough times. I use mine to try to make my imperfect body work right because it helps smooth out a chemical I don't have enough of. I still get depressed. I still get happy and sad. The zombie factor wore off and I am fucking glad it did a few months after I started taking it back in the day. I just like having it help my head. I never in a million yeas thought I would ever take an antidepressant. But my opinion has changed on them for medical purposes and for a small percentage of people with real clinical depression. I think there needs to be a lot more research done on their uses. I love food so my quality of life has improved! I have no proof of exactly what caused this and it is not 100% recovery but I am not complaining. http://www.med.unc.edu/medicine/fgidc/antidepressants.pdf http://www.pslgroup.com/dg/22E77E.htm (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 26th, 2009
11:28 pm	Migraine without headache from helium I breathed in helium today having fun at work. This caused a mediumish+ migraine without headache. I rarely get a migraine that serious without a headache. I was totally out of it. My memory was shot. I could barely remember anything beyond a few seconds. Everyone said I looked drunk which is my typical look for a bad migraine. But I had no headache at all. My confusion level was very high. I took Aleve and Advil to try to help but it didn't help really. I had no other side effects but the horrible mind effects of this migraine. I had no pain or problems with light. I do have some mild pain now but the memory and confusion problems have subsided and this has become a mild migraine. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 24th, 2009
12:18 am	Thoughts on competition I was thinking about it and I personally hate competition. It is stressful. I really am a womanly woman in that way. Sports where you keep score are certainly on the more stressful side although some I can enjoy but only if I do not take them seriously. The competition aspect is stressful. The irony is I do get competitive but I then don't like it. I do tend to enjoy something like walking or Yoga where it is peaceful. And watching many sports is stressful. Things like football where the men hurt each other is not pleasant to me. I was once accused by someone in my life of being a "conflict avoider" which had always shocked me because I didn't know it was a problem. The thing is I hit everything head on always when confronted with anything. But I tend to try to find solutions rather than engage in conflict for the fun of engaging in conflict. Conflict for me is not fun, although I am in no way afraid to engage in it. I tend to think this quality as a woman is a very positive trait in relationships and at work as a mediator and so forth. But this could be my warped opinion. I will never be the high testosterone womanly type. It isn't me. At all. (Comment on this)